Down the rabbit hole: No difference

Wednesday, June 9

No difference

The Moon is Down - Explosions in the Sky
Neo Ttaemune(Because of You) - After School
Run Away Happy - Hotel Lights
Song for Jo - Scarlett Johannson
Oh Mandy - Spinto Band
Heart, Mind and Soul - DBSK

I am the furthest thing from what I expected to be and the funny thing is that I hardly give a damn. It makes me a little more sad, rather than nostalgic when I think about everything I thought I'd be in 2006/2007 as compared to who I am right now. Gosh I'm such a rambler, why do I whinge so much on this blog? This space is filled with years worth of emotional baggage that I guess I can't help but naturally carry on that way.
I'm so many parts anxiety and dread. Let's try to do things organised for once yes?

Work
I really, really don't want to go back to work. The constant thought that I only have 3 weeks left before I have to head back haunts the fuck out of me. I don't know how to explain this anxiety. I'm just overwhelmed by this feeling of inadequacy and boredom and let's face it, I'm horribly under-qualified and we both know I'd be much happier at home fawning over DBSK. But to be fair, this gig is MUCH better than my embarrassingly short stint at the ice cream parlour. I guess manual labour is not for me, but I would say neither is moulding our youth.
Second thing, giving tuition on Sunday D: I'm not very kid-friendly so having to deal with a 6 year old makes me more than a little nervous. And how am I gonna teach phonics without feeling like a complete arse for 1 & half hours? "X, can you say Ksss?" The thought makes me cringe.

Money
Where the fuck did my 1000 go? Since when do I even have 1000 to blow on shit I don't remember spending on? Most worrying part? I don't have that many new things(clothes etc) SO I PROBABLY SPENT IT ON FOOD i.e. PASTA, FAST-FOOD, SUSHI, TOM AND TOMS AND STARBUCKS. Because those are the things I mostly eat out of the house. HOW DISGUSTING AM I THAT I SPENT SO MUCH. That explains the 4kg weight gain.
How am I going to have enough to survive in Uni? NO ALLOWANCE, pathetic income. How? Why is transport so costly? Why is education so expensive in spite of being heavily subsidised? Should I abandon my morals and give a go at being a social escort?(I jest, don't panic)
Why do I spend so much and not own much? Where does my money go? How can I get more?

Uni
I have no friends in FASS ): (Unless you're going too, in which case you should tweet/FB message/IM/email me so I won't feel like an isopod ):
I'm also terrified I'm going to be absolutely shit at my classes. Not a surprising feeling after multiple "Hi, thanks for your interest but no thanks".
I don't like orientation camps.

My unwavering desire to go blonde
I know I said it was a phase, but it has yet pass! I would do it now, but I have work in July and no $$$. There's the whole 'what if I look terrible?' train of thought and the whole 'Im going to look tacky etc...' thing going on. But sometimes I think I don't really care, because I need to go blonde at least once in my life. Have been counting the reactions and so far the "YAY DO IT" opinion is in the lead. Damn you good-looking blonde asians., how you tempt me.





My Essay
Which I need to write. Like now.

DBSK
I have nothing more to say on the issue because it depresses me to no end and makes me weepy and pathetic.



Regrets
I have too many, but at the same time, none. It's too fucking funny for words.

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